Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
