I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
