I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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