Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
