Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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