just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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