my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
