i was born a porn star she said
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
