I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
