I wish I only lived at night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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