I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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