I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
