I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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