I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
