omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
worst night to have a conscience
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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