Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
