I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
