Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
