Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
