I'm so fucking centered right now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
