how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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