life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
