Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
