super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
