Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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