Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
