i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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