yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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