you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
