My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
