Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
