I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
