This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
