his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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