this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
