I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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