It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
