Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
