do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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