my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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