Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
