my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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