im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
