I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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