it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
