He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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