Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
