I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
