someone threw a dead crab at me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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