so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
