We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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