I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
