the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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