ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
