I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
