I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
